sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
