I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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