Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
