FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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