I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
