bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
