I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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