i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
