No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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