He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
