I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
