Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
