So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
