I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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