Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
