Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
