Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
