My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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