Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
