Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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