I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
