their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
