Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
