SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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