Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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