A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
