Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
operation have a gay friend backfired
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
