My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
