I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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