We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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