i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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