he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
