I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
