and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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