whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I party with great urgency now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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