How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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