sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
