Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
