Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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