And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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