i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just high enough for therapy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
