we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
