Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
