It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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