I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
