i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
