if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was like getting head from an anaconda
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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