so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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