She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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