Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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