I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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