i just wanna soil my oats bro
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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