Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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