this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
