I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
