yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
