walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
