you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
