Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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