My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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