how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize