I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
