Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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