Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
