It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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