Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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