JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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