i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He shit in the fireplace
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize