I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
