I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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