I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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